“If you cook it, it will thicken,” said the voice in the middle of the night. I shot up in bed, panicking, reaching for the light. “Cook what?? What will thicken??” I cried out!  “Soup!” the voice replied. “That’s what you do, isn’t it? I mean, do you really think I’d reach out to you to cook some sort of casserole, Soupergirl?” OK, he had a good point. “What will thicken? Please, guide me, Freaky Voice of the Night!” I begged. “A tomato and butternut squash soup. The butternut squash’s light sweetness perfectly balances out the acidity of the tomatoes. Plus, the squash makes the soup thicker and creamier than plain tomato soup. And don’t get me started on the mega doses of Vitamin A and Vitamin C your customers will get with this soup. Yowlee!” the voice replied. “Did you seriously just say yowlee?” I asked. He was quiet for a few minutes. “Are you giving me the silent treatment? Seriously?” I asked. He told me he didn’t appreciate my attitude. I pointed out that he made a rather rude casserole comment when he first woke me up. We agreed that we were even, and I said I’d make the soup the next day. Oh, and it turns out his name isn’t Freaky Voice of the Night – it’s Herb.

Arthur the sweet potato was getting old, and he knew it. And frankly, he didn’t like it. His wife had left him for a younger fingerling potato a few years back, and he was ready for some new zest in his life. “Forget all these sweet potatoes. Who needs ‘em?” He marched down the street to the home of Celeste, the sassy young apple who had moved in a few weeks ago. She had the perfect amount of tang and sweetness. Just what he needed. “Celeste, I’m going to roast, you’re going to saute, and we are going to go pureeing tonight at the new disco downtown, the Soupertron. And I won’t take no for an answer.” “Oh Arthur, you’re so strong and masculine. Yet when you puree you’re so sweet and mushy. Just how I love my sweet potatoes. I’d love to! Let me go get my purse.” So they went to the Soupertron (which is an awesome club, by the way – you should totally check it out), and pureed the night away. And they were fabulous. All the other sweet potato ladies were totally jealous of their moves. But they knew Arthur was officially off the market. Once you puree with an apple, there’s no going back.